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Miracle 3

"My mummy says I'm a miracle."

Miracle is the first song performed in Matilda the Musical, it appears in Act 1.

Contents

The song features all of Matilda's future classmates boasting about how they are their parents 'miracles'. It then shows Mrs Wormwoods' unwanted pregnancy and how Mr Wormwood wishes the baby was a boy. Despite the Doctor telling them that she is the most beautiful baby he's ever seen. Matilda then appears saying how she is referred to as a 'lousy little worm' and 'a bore'. 

Performers

Adult cast

The parents are played by the Company. 

Children's cast

Lyrics

Original London

LAVENDER
My mummy says I'm a miracle.

REGINALD
My daddy says I'm his special little guy.

ALICE
I am a princess!

BRUCE
And I am a prince.

LAVENDER, AMANDA, ALICE, HORTENSIA
Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky...

BRUCE, ERIC, REGINALD
My daddy says I'm his special little soldier,
No one is as handsome, strong as me.
It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge
But I'm his little soldier!
So, Hup, two, four, three!

AMANDA, HORTENSIA
My mummy says I'm a miracle,
One look at my face, and it's plain to see.
Ever since the day Doc chopped the umbilical cord,
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!

NIGEL, TOMMY
My daddy says I'm his special little soldier,
No one is as bold or tough as me.
Has my daddy told ya,
One day when I'm older,
I can be a soldier
And shoot you in the face!

TEACHER
One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days.
It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions
these days
"Specialness" seems de rigueur
Above average is average - go figure,
Is it is some modern miracle of calculus,
That such frequent miracles don't render each one un-
miraculous.

ALL KIDS
My mummy says I'm a miracle,
One look at my face and it's plain to see.
Ever since the day Doc chopped the umbilical cord,
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!

LAVENDER
My mummy says I'm a precious barelliNA!
She has never seen A prettier barelliNA
She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream,
But I'm a barelliNA, so give me more cake!

MOTHER (1) & FATHER (2)
Take another picture of our angel in that costume that I made...

MOTHER (1)
The role of "tree" has never been portrayed with such
convincing sway.

MOTHER (2)
That's right, honey, look at mummy!

FATHER (2)
Don't put honey on your brother

MOTHER (2)
Smile for mummy; smile for mother!

FATHER (2)
I think she blinked

MOTHER (2)
Well, take another!

FATHER (3)
Have you seen his school report? He got a 'C' on his
report!

MOTHER (3)
What?!

FATHER (3)
We'll have to change his school, the teacher's clearly
falling short.

MOTHER (1)
She's just delightful!

FATHER (1)
So hilarious and...

MOTHER (1) & FATHER (1)
...insightful!

ALL PARENTS
Might she be a little brighter than the norm?
I know to boys it's frightful form!

ALL CHILDREN & ALL PARENTS
My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face and it's plain to see.
Ever since the day Doc chopped the umbilical cord,
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!
My mummy says I'm a miracle
That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball.
You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical.
There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as me!

DOCTOR
(Spoken) A baby, Mrs. Wormwood, a child, the most precious gift the natural world can bestow upon us, has been handed to you. A brand new human being, a life, a person. A wonderful new person is about to come into your life and bring you love and magic and happiness and wonder!

MRS. WORMWOOD
(Spoken) Ooooowwwwwww! Bloody 'ell!

DOCTOR
Every life I bring into this world restores my faith in humankind.

MIDWIFE
(Spoken) Push Mrs. Wormwood, push!

MRS. WORMWOOD
(Spoken) I'll push you in a minute!

DOCTOR
Each new-born life, a canvas yet unpainted...
This still unbroken skin...
This uncorrupted mind...Every life is unbelievably unlikely.
The chances of existence,
Almost infinitely small.
The most common thing in life is life...

(Baby cries)

And yet every single life,
Every new life is a miracle! Miracle!

MRS. WORMWOOD
(spoken) This is the worst day of my life!

Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal.
My skin looks just revolting in this foul fluorescent
light,
And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal, semi-Spanish gown I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight.
I should be dancing the tarantella
Qui mon fella italiano
Not dressed in hospital cotton,
With a smarting front bottom,
And this
Horrible...

DOCTOR
Miracle!

MRS. WORMWOOD
Smelly little...

DOCTOR
Miracle!

MRS. WORMWOOD
Weakly little ball of fat!

MR. WORMWOOD
What the hell was that?

MRS. WORMWOOD
Will someone give this thing a bottle?

MR. WORMWOOD
Or swap it for a later model?

MR. WORMWOOD, MRS. WORMWOOD
Why do bad things always happen to good people?
Fine upstanding citizens like you and me?
Why when we've done nothing wrong,
Should this disaster come along?
This horrible, weird looking...

MRS. WORMWOOD
Hairy little stinky thing

MR. WORMWOOD
With no sign of a winky-ding at all

DOCTOR
Miracle, miracle, a miracle; every life's a miracle,
Beautiful miracle I have ever seen...

MR. WORMWOOD
I can't find his frank and beans...

DOCTOR, ADULTS
Every life is unbelievably unlikely.
The chances of existence, almost infinitely small.
The most common thing in life is life,
And yet every single life, every new life is a miracle!
Miracle! Miracle!

ALL CHILDREN
My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face and it's plain to see.
Ever since the day Doc chopped the umbilical cord,
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!
My mummy says I'm a miracle
That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball.
You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical.
There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as-

MATILDA
My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm
My daddy says I'm a bore.
My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ,
That kids like me should be against the law.
My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie hole
No one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me
Mum says I'm a good case for population control
Dad says I should watch more TV...

Broadway

[ERIC]
My mummy says I'm a miracle!

[TOMMY]
My daddy says I'm his special little guy!
Ow!

[AMANDA]
I am a princess

[BRUCE]
And I am a prince

[ALL GIRLS]
Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky!

[BRUCE, ERIC, TOMMY, and NIGEL]
My daddy says I'm his special little soldier
No one is as handsome, strong as me

[BRUCE]
It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge

[BRUCE, ERIC, TOMMY, and NIGEL]
But I'm his little soldier
Hup, two, four, free

[ALICE and HORTENSIA]
My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face and it's plain to see
Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me
Ow!

[NIGEL, TOMMY]
My daddy says I'm his special little soldier
No one is as bold or tough as me
Has my daddy told ya
One day when I'm older
I can be a soldier

[NIGEL]
And shoot you in the face!

[PARTY ENTERTAINER]
One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days
It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days
Specialness is de rigueur
Above average is average. Go fig-ueur!
Is it some modern miracle of calculus
That such frequent miracles don't render each one un-miraculous?

[ALL KIDS]
My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face and it's plain to see
Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me

[LAVENDER]
My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina
She has never seen – a!
Prettier barrelin–a!
She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream
But I'm a barrelina –
So give me more cake!

[COUPLE 1]
DAD 1: Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here
MUM 1: She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers
BOTH: What a dear!

[COUPLE 2]
MUM 2: That's right, honey. Look at mummy
DAD 2: Don't put honey on your brother
MUM 2: Smile for mummy! Smile for mother!
DAD 2: I think he blinked
MUM 2: Well, take another!

[COUPLE 3]
DAD 3: Have you seen his school report? He got a C on his report!
ALL COUPLES: What?
DAD 3: We'll have to change his school. The teacher's clearly falling short

[COUPLE 4]
MUM 4: He's just delightful
DAD 4: So hilarious
MUM 4: And insightful

[ALL PARENTS]
Might she be a little brighter than her class?
Oh, yes, she's definitely advanced!

[ALL KIDS]
My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face and it's plain to see
Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me

[ALL PARENTS]
Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here
She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers
What a dear!
That's right, honey, look at mummy
Don't put honey on your brother
Smile for mummy, smile for mother
I think he blinked
Well, take another!

[ALL KIDS]
My mummy says I'm a –

[ALL]
Miracle!

[ALL KIDS]
That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a –

[ALL]
Mirror ball!
You can be all cynical
But it's a truth empirical
There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle
As me

[MRS WORMWOOD]
Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? I've got a plane to catch at three. I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships in Paris

[DOCTOR]
You're getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood?

[MRS WORMWOOD]
Of course I am. I always compete, doctor, and this time, I've got a secret weapon. Rudolpho! He's part Italian, you know. Very supple. Has incredible upper-body strength

[DOCTOR]
I think we should have a talk

[MRS WORMWOOD]
So, what is it? What's wrong with me?

[DOCTOR]
Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea?

[MRS WORMWOOD]
Gas?

[DOCTOR]
Mrs Wormwood, I want you to think very carefully. What do you think might be the cause of – this?

[MRS WORMWOOD]
(gasps) Am I . . . Am I . . . Look, am I fat?

[DOCTOR]
Mrs Wormwood, You're pregnant!

[MRS WORMWOOD]
What?!

[DOCTOR]
You're going to have a baby

[MRS WORMWOOD]
But I've got a baby! I don't want another one. Isn't there something you can do?

[DOCTOR]
You're nine months pregnant!

[MRS WORMWOOD]
Antibiotics, or . . . Oh, my good Lord! What about the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships?

[DOCTOR]
A baby, Mrs Wormwood. A child. The most precious gift the natural world can bestow upon us has been handed to you. A brand new human being! A life. A person. A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder!

[MRS WORMWOOD]
Oh, bloody hell!

[DOCTOR]
Every life I bring into this world
Restores my faith in human kind

[NURSE]
Push, Mrs Wormwood, push!

[MRS WORMWOOD]
I'll push you in a minute!

[DOCTOR]
Each newborn life a canvas yet unpainted
This still, unbroken skin
This uncorrupted mind

[DOCTOR and ENSEMBLE]
Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely
The chances of existence almost infinitely small

[DOCTOR]
The most common thing in life is life . .
And yet every single life
Every new life
Is a miracle!
Miracle!

[MR WORMWOOD]
Where is he? Where's my son?

[DOCTOR]
Mr Wormwood! Are you smoking a cigarette?

[MR WORMWOOD]
What? Oh, of course. I'm sorry, doctor. What am I thinking? This calls for a proper smoke. Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing

[DOCTOR]
This is one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen

[MR WORMWOOD]
Oh, my good Lord. Where's his fingie?

[DOCTOR]
His what?

[MR WORMWOOD]
His fingie. His whatchamacallit. His doo-dah. What've you done with his fingie?

[DOCTOR]
This child doesn't have a "thingie" –

[MR WORMWOOD]
What? A boy with no fingie? Look what you've done, you stupid woman. This boy's got no fingie

[DOCTOR]
Mr Wormwood! This child is a girl. A beautiful, beautiful little girl

[MRS WORMWOOD]
Is there still time for the Bi-Annual Inter-Championship Amateur Sausage –

[MR WORMWOOD]
Dance competition's over. You missed it. Look, I don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy, could we?

[MRS WORMWOOD]
This is the worst day of my life!
[MRS WORMWOOD]
Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal
My skin looks just revolting in this foul, fluorescent light
And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal
Semi-Spanish gown
I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight!

I should be dancing the Tarentella
Qui mon fella Italiano
Not dressed in hospital cotton
With an owchie . . . front bottom
And this –

[DOCTOR]
Miracle!

[MRS WORMWOOD]
Horrible –

[DOCTOR]
Miracle!

[MRS WORMWOOD]
Smelly little –

[DOCTOR]
The most beautiful miracle I have ever seen!

[MR WORMWOOD]
I can't find his frank 'n' beans!

[DOCTOR]
Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely

[ALL KIDS]
My mummy says I'm a miracle

[DOCTOR]
The chances of existence almost infinitely small

[ALL KIDS]
My daddy says I'm his special little guy

[DOCTOR]
The most common thing in life is life –

[ALL KIDS]
Hup, two, four, free!

[DOCTOR]
And yet, every single life
Every new life
Is a miracle!
Miracle!
Miracle!

[ALL]
My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face and it's plain to see
Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me
My mummy says I'm a miracle
That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball
You can be all cynical
But it's a truth empirical
There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as . .

[MATILDA]
My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm
My daddy says I'm a bore
My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ
That kids like me should be against the law
My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie-hole
No one like a smart-mouthed girl like me
Mum says I'm a good case for population control
Dad says I should watch more TV

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